I am always being told that I need to update my blog. My response is always that I've been too busy, which is partly true. The truth is, it's been too hard. I have been waiting one month at a time to post that amazing post. The post that announces to my world that I am finally going to be a mother. That I am going to make my husband a father. That I am going to have a child. As I am sure you have guessed, each month it just keeps not happening. Each month I think of blogging anyway, but I didn't want to face the fact that I'm not pregnant. So I here I am, writing this for me more than anyone else.
My life is great. I am more in love with my husband than I have ever been. I mean that with every part of me. I love my life with him. Preston takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. His life is centered around me and my comfort. He has built me a beautiful, warm, safe home. We both would rather be here together than anywhere else. I love my little dog that happened into my life a year ago. When I'm sentenced to the couch all day because of unbelievable cramps for a week, he is there with me. He lays by me, kisses me, and makes me laugh. He has kept me happy during the long hours Preston's at work, and I'm stuck.
My family means everything to me. We are all so busy and a little crazy, but you won't find parents and siblings that love each other more than ours. My friends are among my greatest gifts in life. They give me a reason to get through each week, because I know we will be doing something fun and crazy at the end of the week. They have been there through everything. I love them.
This is such an exciting time in our lives. I am so thrilled for all of my friends, close and distant. Graduations, grad schol, marriages, babies, second and even third babies, new jobs, promotions, new homes, new cars... it's all magical in a way. Life is happening so fast, and I am grateful for every day.
My dream of having my own child has been something I've been holding on to since I was old enough to hold a baby by myself. Ever since I was 16 years old, anytime I saw or held a baby, my heart ached a little bit. Now, it doesn't ache. It breaks. It's hard to explain, because I just wrote about my incredible life. I'm living a blissful life with a broken heart. Not something I saw coming. I thought the whole process would be easy. It's not been a problem with my family. They just think about getting pregnant and nine months later there's a new addition. My trials are trivial compared to others, but this is what I've been given. So, I'm learning from it the best I can and becoming closer to my Father in Heaven through each tear. I know there's a plan for me, and I will wait for my turn. Until then, I will be an incredibly over-protective mother to a furry little stinker, because he's my baby! I will enjoy each quiet night with the love of my life... and I will try to blog more. :)
10 comments:
I'm so sorry Cassie!! You're an amazing girl, keep your head up and keep trying!! I don't know if you have yet, but seriously check out the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." It was incredible and really targets situations like yours. We wish you the best and pray that your wish will come true soon!!!
i love you cassie!!! this post makes me feel so sad, and i'm so sorry. don't lose faith and i know this is easier said than done, but try to not stress about it. i can't tell you of how many stories i've heard of people trying and trying and then finally deciding to adopt and then they get pregnant! it happened to my neighbor after years of trying. and they have babies that are like 5 months apart because they adopted and then had a baby so close together! but i will say i have missed your posts in the blogging world! so good thing i happen to run into you whenever i come home to utah! and about your comment on fb, you are so sweet but seriously so funny and do not need to apologize for anything!! i would be excited to see my siblings too! plus you came all the way out in the middle of the street, bare foot, wet hair and in the freezing cold just to give me a hug! so no apologies! love you girl!!
Hi Cassie. I saw on facebook that you posted on your blog so I thought I would check it out! I love to see what everyone we went to school with is up to. I just wanted to leave you a comment because I had a hard time getting pregnant too. I don't know how long you have been trying but I know no matter how long that it is so frustrating and it can totally get you down. It took us almost two years and lots of medication and doctors appointments and stuff. I hope that everything works out for you guys really soon. I know it is hard but really what Hilary said, I think, is so true. The month I got pregnant was the last month before we were going to try other things. We just decided to relax and quit worrying. And...it worked! So I am sorry that you are having to go through this. Those sweet little babies come when they are supposed to for sure! Good luck to you guys!
My heart aches with you Cassie. I am sorry you have to go through this. I know you will be an amazing mama, because you always took such good care of everyone around you! Hang in there! I will keep you in my prayers :)
Cass, you have always had a great attitude and been so positive and I'm amazed at how you are still being so positive! You are amazing. I am so sorry you are going through this. I just don't think it's fair that some people have to have a hard time having babies. Especially those people (like you) who will make the best parents. Keep your head up. I know things will work out for you. :) Love you girl!
Oh Cas, how I love you!! You are great!! I couldn't believe it that you had blogged and then you had me in tears. Not what I was expecting. Call me, i have a shoulder that has your name on it!! It will happen....when are you moving closer to me?
much love and hugs are being sent your way from all of us... this is such a hard trial to go through, and i'm so sorry for that. i love you so much and you have such a great talent in being you and sharing your love all around... keep it up... you are in our prayers.
Cass, I had no idea. Lots of love and hugs from down south. I was heart broken for you. Hang in there girl, it will all happen when it's right. We LOVE you.
I know this might not help, but Tawnya gave me a book that has worked miracles in other people's lives helping them work through this hard time. It is just waiting to be read. I can chat with T and if she is okay about it (I am sure she wouldn't mind) I will send it your way. Email or call me. I would be happy to share it.
mccracken.kandyce@me.com
Hey pretty girl! So good to hear from you on my blog! You are so amazing! I'm so sorry you are going through that! It took Bryce and I some time as well. Keep smilin, the Lord is aware of you!
Cassie, you've endured what no young woman should have to go through. I have stood back and watched and hurt with you, as only a mom can hurt for her child.
Somehow, sometime, a beautiful child will come your way. The unbearable, unfair pain of the wait will dissolve as the love for your new child takes over. Until then, you are in my heart and my prayers...You have always been a wonderful daughter, and no child could ever ask for a better mother than you will be. I love you so much honey. Mom
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