I am always being told that I need to update my blog. My response is always that I've been too busy, which is partly true. The truth is, it's been too hard. I have been waiting one month at a time to post that amazing post. The post that announces to my world that I am finally going to be a mother. That I am going to make my husband a father. That I am going to have a child. As I am sure you have guessed, each month it just keeps not happening. Each month I think of blogging anyway, but I didn't want to face the fact that I'm not pregnant. So I here I am, writing this for me more than anyone else.
My life is great. I am more in love with my husband than I have ever been. I mean that with every part of me. I love my life with him. Preston takes care of me better than he takes care of himself. His life is centered around me and my comfort. He has built me a beautiful, warm, safe home. We both would rather be here together than anywhere else. I love my little dog that happened into my life a year ago. When I'm sentenced to the couch all day because of unbelievable cramps for a week, he is there with me. He lays by me, kisses me, and makes me laugh. He has kept me happy during the long hours Preston's at work, and I'm stuck.
My family means everything to me. We are all so busy and a little crazy, but you won't find parents and siblings that love each other more than ours. My friends are among my greatest gifts in life. They give me a reason to get through each week, because I know we will be doing something fun and crazy at the end of the week. They have been there through everything. I love them.
This is such an exciting time in our lives. I am so thrilled for all of my friends, close and distant. Graduations, grad schol, marriages, babies, second and even third babies, new jobs, promotions, new homes, new cars... it's all magical in a way. Life is happening so fast, and I am grateful for every day.
My dream of having my own child has been something I've been holding on to since I was old enough to hold a baby by myself. Ever since I was 16 years old, anytime I saw or held a baby, my heart ached a little bit. Now, it doesn't ache. It breaks. It's hard to explain, because I just wrote about my incredible life. I'm living a blissful life with a broken heart. Not something I saw coming. I thought the whole process would be easy. It's not been a problem with my family. They just think about getting pregnant and nine months later there's a new addition. My trials are trivial compared to others, but this is what I've been given. So, I'm learning from it the best I can and becoming closer to my Father in Heaven through each tear. I know there's a plan for me, and I will wait for my turn. Until then, I will be an incredibly over-protective mother to a furry little stinker, because he's my baby! I will enjoy each quiet night with the love of my life... and I will try to blog more. :)
